What to Say. What NOT to Say.

Last week, my heart was broken.

Like, drop-my-computer-on-the-floor-and-run-to-the-bathroom-sobbing, type of broken.

So far, comments we’ve gotten about our adoption have been so positive and upbeat… a few awkward questions have been thrown in there, but those have been fairly easy to dodge.

Last week, I fell apart.

I didn’t post my feelings on Facebook. I didn’t share it with my friends. I didn’t even show it on my face. You wouldn't know.

This is what inspired my blog post today. We understand that people are curious about adoption, and we encourage people to ask about the process itself. But, please be careful of your words. Some of your questions and 'advice' can really sting.

What to say.
These are comments from friends and family that have lifted our spirits and have really encouraged us:

·         You will be fabulous parents!

·         So happy for you guys!

·         You have no idea how happy this makes us!

·         What a lucky child.

·         So excited for our new family member!

·         I can’t wait to meet the newest member of your family.

·         I will be praying for you!

·         You two will make the best parents.

What NOT to say.

These comments have made us feel really uncomfortable and upset:

·         Oh, are you adopting because you can’t have your own?

·         There will be things you will be missing out on (bonding, nursing, etc).

·         That’s really expensive. Are you sure you want to do this?

·         They (adopted kids) do have problems when they get out into the real world. I guess they call it “bullying,” so I wanted you to put that into your little thinking cap.

·         Wouldn’t you rather have your own baby?

Another question to consider before asking...

We understand that most people are just curious when they ask us our reasons for adopting. But think about this for a moment… When is the last time you asked a pregnant woman WHY she got pregnant?

Probably never. You just don’t. That would be really awkward… and it’s absolutely NONE of your business.

Our intent to adopt for the purpose of growing our family has been clear from the beginning. We’re been through hours of invasive questioning. We’ve submitted fingerprints to the FBI. We’ve been through background checks. We’ve had our home inspected for safety. We’ve asked six people to submit letters of recommendation for us. We are ready to be parents.

There was no "oops" or "surprise" involved. We are in a loving, committed relationship and have both given 100% to becoming parents. We have been actively, and excitedly planning, for our baby's arrival, even though we don't know what the baby will look like, where the baby will be from, or even when the baby will be born.

Final thoughts...

We are well-aware that we are not growing our family the “normal” way.

But guess what? Being parents is more than carrying a baby for nine months or contributing a portion of your DNA.

It’s about loving a child unconditionally and doing the best you can to provide for them. And that’s what we intend to do. We are going to love this child with everything we have.